Spiderman comes to Mumbai
Mumbai. Saturday afternoon. Employees were taking lunch in an office. The office was on 10th floor of a building. The building was located near marine drive.
Ramanathan was eating idli sambar and Kulkarni madam was having chapati curry. Guptaji was busy doing some calculations having no time for lunch. He was doing one more secret business in free time.
The receptionist – Monika Mantare who was wearing the shortest mini skirt available on earth, was busy talking on phone with her boyfriend while many visitors were waiting for getting her attention.
Raju peon was sitting on a bench outside front glass door while listening to Dhoom Machale song on his mobile from the movie Dhoom2.
Suddenly a dhoom dhoom sound came from somewhere! Office window was broken and a web came inside the office from the window. The web captured Ramnathan’s idlis and snatched away with the web outside the window.
Ramanathan got angry and went near the window and peeped through the broken window. Outside the window was Spiderman glued on wall eating the idlis like a glutton. His mask was hanging on a nail.
Ramanathan: Hey bizarrely dressed joker! Give me my idli back!
Spiderman: No Sir! Let me eat! I am too much hungry! I am Spiderman! Don’t you know?
Ramanathan: Spiderman? Oh? Spiderman! The Spiderman who eats scientific spiders and has overconfidence about himself that he can jump here and there? That Spiderman you are?
Spiderman: Sir! I am world famous superhero! How come you don’t know me? And I don’t eat spiders. I was once bitten by a spider.
By this time, all office employees were gathered near the window listening to the conversation.
Ramanathan: But why did you come in India? And why in Mumbai? Why in our office?
Spiderman: (gulp) You ask so many questions! Good. I like the questioning people. But wait. Let me eat idli. I am hungry. I will answer you after that.
Ramanathan: Hey incy wincy Spider!. You are really great. I liked your style of eating idli. By the way what is your web made of?
Spiderman: Arey yaar! Wait a bit. I will come inside and answer everything!
Ramanathan: Come on in man! Come in.
Spiderman came in. All gathered around him.
Spiderman: First of all thanks to you Ramanathan for your idli. And sorry that I stole it from your plate. But you know, hunger achche achcho ko badal deta hai (Hunger transforms people’s behaviors!). I also changed. I became idli chor. Paapi pet ka sawwl hai.
Ramanathan: Relax man relax! You seem to be fan of Bollywood. Good. But why are you in such situation? Tell me!
Spiderman: I will tell how I came here. I was busy resolving the problems of Americans. I taught thugs lessons. All citizens started depending on me and Police became idle. While I was clinging to an airplane chasing a dreaded terrorist, the plane went over Arabian Sea and Mumbai city. There I saw a black masked person jumping to catch an Indian airplane. He was probably trying to save the stranded passengers due to jammed wheels. The children inside plane were calling him Krrish Krrish. I got lost in thoughts by seeing that powerful superhero and suddenly we both collided and I fell down on this building…I was hungry and smelled idli…
Ramanathan: Ok. Ok. But, why didn’t you again throw your well famous web on the plane?
Spiderman: Actually, you know I crossed 45 of my age. Nowadays, I cannot generate much web as I was able to do earlier in my 20’s and 30’s. Even if I send webs, it breaks down. I have broken my bones many times. I tried but web didn’t reach far. Let Police catch the thugs. It’s their job. I will not do.
Kulkarni Madam: Ok. Ok. Let it be! Come! Sit. Generate at least some web for me. I do crocheting in my free time in office.
Spiderman gave some web to her. She became happy and started weaving then and there.
Kulkarni madam: Spidey! Do you want to eat chapati?
Spiderman: No. I am full now. May I ask you one thing? Can I get a job somewhere in Mumbai? I am fed up of chasing criminals. In Mumbai, no one will recognize me if I work without my mask. Or can I do a job here? In this office? Where is your boss? I want to meet him. I desperately need a job.
Guptaji: Go inside the cabin! Boss is sitting there. Ask him for a job.
Spiderman went inside the cabin.
Shah: Who are you with this bizarre red dress?
Spiderman: I am Spiderman. I need a job. Take my interview.
Shah: Spiderman? Oh ho? The Spiderman? The great Spiderman? Means you are Pittar Purkar. I heard what you said outside my cabin to all my subordinates.
Spiderman: No Sir. Why are you joking about me? I am not Pittar Purkar. I am Peter Parker.
Shah: What are you qualifications?
Meanwhile Monika Mantare came inside the office for some work… while Raju peon was still listening to Dhoom Dhoom. This time it was Dhoom3.
Monika: Why are all gathered together? What happened?
Kulkarni Madam: Spiderman came to our office to find a job. He is there inside the cabin of our boss. See from the glass doors.
Meanwhile inside the cabin –
Spiderman: My qualifications? Well, at 30, I was able to send a web with speed of 400 km/hr and one string of cobweb was thick like a rope. Nowadays, very thin string goes with 40 km/hr.
Shah: So, other than sending webs you don’t know anything. First tell me, are you looking for a part time or full time job?
Spiderman: Anything will do Sir!
Shah: I will offer part time job to you. Come daily to my office at 10 am. Generate as many web as you can till 11 am. I will try to sell it in market or use it for producing clothes if possible. Then as per the profit I earn, I will give you 50% of it. Will that do? But, I want a promise. Do not tell this to anyone in this office.
Spiderman: Ok done. Promise. But give me some advance money.
Shah gave him some money.
Shah: Now, jump down from my cabin window. Don’t disturb my subordinates more. Go and roam free on Mumbai streets. You can’t afford a flat here. So start spending your nights on roof tops, tower tops. And yes! Do not sleep on footpaths. People will mow you down under their cars!
Spiderman: Ok! Thank you!
Shah: And remember! The day you reveal your identity, your job is gone!
Spiderman jumped down from window.
Boss Shah came out from his cabin.
Shah: Guys! Don’t chit chat. Do your work!
Fainted Monika got consciousness with Boss’s loud voice.
Monika: Where is Spiderman? Where is Spiderman? Is Mary Jane also with him? If not, I will become his Mary Jane.
Shah: Monika! Go back to work. I suggested him to go back to America. Go and greet our visitors!!
Spiderman sat on marine lines watching sea waves. He took out his mobile and opened WhatsApp. There was a group of worldwide superheroes/superheroines and their girlfriends and partners called – “Avengers’ Atrangi Adventures”
He didn’t type anything. Just observed the messages!
Batman: Guys! I had gone to Australia with my ‘bat’ to play cricket. But Tendulkar made me out on first ball. So, I became depressed and sat in a graveyard. At 12 midnight, bats gathered around me and gave me power. But, they warned me to never play with Tendulkar to save myself from defeat.
Iron man: Hey Batman. Don’t worry. Relax. We will gather for a party tonight to celebrate your defeat! Where is Spiderman nowadays? He seems online. Haven’t seen him since long in person.
Stumps man: Hey guys! I am a stumps man. I play cricket. And stump the batsmen in first ball. I am new entry to your group.
All welcomed him.
Black widow: Hi there! I am here!
All men: Hi Hello! Hi Hello! How are you?
Shaktimaan: Hi all. Let us add Krrish in our group. He is the newly born superhero.
Black widow: Yes! Let us take him in our Avengers group also. He is so handsome.
Mary Jane: Hi all. I am waiting for spidey to come. I haven’t seen him for a while!
Phantom: Hi all. I just came from my skull cave. I nowadays got bored with all jungle stuff! I want to join the city lights. Take me in your avengers group.
Thor: But man! You don’t have any super power! What will you do?
Phantom: Don’t forget! All animals of jungle are my friends! I can call them anytime, anywhere!
Hawkeye: Ok. Ok. Fine! I will ask some animal to bite you. So you will become phantonimal man!
All started typing smileys!
Phantom: Shut up all..
Spiderman threw away his mobile due to the ridiculous whatsapp group. He also threw his spider clothes and became a common man in common clothes.
Spiderman: I need to stay away from America for a while. Let me see if the people of America remember and need me or not while I am away? Till then I will find another full time job.”
He started walking on the road. He felt unconscious due to burning Sun. He collided with a car and fell down. Sunil Shetty came out of the car.
Suniel: Oh Sorry! I am sorry! Sit in my car! Take the energy pill and energy drink. You will feel better. You seem to be in some crisis, isn’t it? Which country do you belong to?
Peter sat in car and drank the energy drink. Suniel started driving.
Peter: I am Peter Parker. I act as Spiderman. Don’t tell this to anyone. But, let me tell you that, you look like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Suniel: Thanks for the compliment. Do you think any role suits me in Hollywood, huh? And how and why did you come in India?
Peter explained him.
Peter (Spiderman): Find for some role for me in Bollywood and I will give you Steven Spielberg’s address and ask him to give you role of some alien in “Denominator” series based on mathematical universal war. Arnold is busy doing politics so he will not be in the movie! It’s an anti-terminator series. I also need a job. Bollywood is good option. I can do good stunts. Do you have any reference?
Suniel: Ok. Done! I will take you to a place.
Suniel drove the car fast to a cave in a jungle.
In the cave when both entered, Akshay, Anil, Saif, Katrina were racing against each other on who will do good welding. There was charring sound of welding everywhere and they were singing, “Race Welding ki, my heart is welding with your heart!”
Suniel and Spiderman also joined the welding. Both danced a lot. Abbas Mustan got electrified with intriguing dance of Peter.
They sang, “Tum Peter Parker ho, tum toh pyar ka sagar ho!”
Suniel threatened the crew: Hey! I will shoot you all if you doesn't give a damn role to peter in Race3!
Crew trembled with fear.
Due to Suniel, Peter got a role in Race3 movie. Peter gave Steven Spielberg’s address to Suniel. Abbas changed script of the movie to accommodate Peter.
Few days went by. Race movie shooting started. Spiderman would go to Shah’s office to give him some web daily for one hour and got some money regularly to dine in hotels.
One day after attending the shooting, Spiderman came to Matunga railway station and thought of travelling by local train.
One day after attending the shooting, Spiderman came to Matunga railway station and thought of travelling by local train.
He tried to get in but got thrown away on platform due to crowd. Then he saw a crazy black goggle man jumping on the walls of local bogies.
Then he learned that Kareena Kapoor took control of the local and killed motorman. The man “G. One” was trying to catch the woman. Suddenly another robotic man was running horizontally on local walls. He was singing, “Boom Boom, robo don, robo don!” Both the men- “G. One” and Chitti robot started fighting with each other horizontally on the vertical bogie walls.
Both of them were heard saying to each other, “I will save the local passengers from “Ra.One”, not you!”
Peter had broken his bones when he fell down and was admitted to hospital by the passengers on platform. On hospital bed in night, peter was thinking, “The scene of horizontal fighting on local train was copied from my movie Spiderman part2”
Suddenly Peter looked towards the window. Something was coming to him and it was furious. Not fast but yes, furious! Why? Peter thought.
It was coming near to him, slowly! How the hell it came following me? Oh No!
Peter screamed, “Why did you come here?”
The spider on the wall started looking at peter with anger. Peter quickly got up and sat on bed.
Spider: Friend! What have you started nowadays? First of all you didn’t meet me even once after I have bitten you. You have forgotten my favors. And on top of that you fled away from America and came here? And what are you doing here?
Peter: (Frightened) Hey! Sorry! Really very sorry! Sorry for not meeting you again. Actually I am fed up of all such things like hooligans, thugs and the webs… I have become older now. Hence I came here. What else can I do?
Spider: Friend! Okay! I can forgive you for forgetting me. But, I have come here to warn you my friend. American spies have found your whereabouts and have made a plan. A dangerous plan. A plan which will wash away your importance and identity in this world. They found me and are forcing me to bit few more people to take revenge on you. You know there are only four radioactive spiders in the world including me. But I fled away to tell you the news and you have forgotten me at all…And you know, I have hidden the remaining three radioactive spiders in a secret place.
Peter told him in short what happened to him after coming to Mumbai.
Peter: Sorry again! But what shall I do now? Let me get well soon. Let me complete my Bollywood movie. Then we can think of what to do next, right?
Nurse came there.
Nurse: Outside, Subhash Ghai is waiting for you Peter. He wants to meet you urgently. He is a film producer.
Peter asked the spider to wait and shut the window.
Peter: Ok, send him in. Why he wants to meet me? It seems I may get another movie.
Subhash Ghai came and sat near his bed.
Subhash Ghai: Listen! You cannot get away anywhere now Peter. American news channels have declared that you have fled away. They are searching the radioactive spiders to bite some other men to make them Spiderman. They know that one of the spider have come to India. I can give you a role in my movie. Do you want to do Race 3 movie or work in my movie or go to America? Because tomorrow news channel journalists will come to this hospital and will ask you many questions. Before that, please come with me. I will hide you.
Spider was listening to all this. He knocked the window, Peter opened it and Spider came in.
Spider: Hi Subhash ji. I am the radioactive spider.
Subhash: Then what have you both decided?
Spider: As you are helping and saving Peter, I will let him live here till he completed your movie. I will bit him again at many places so that he will become more powerful than ever. So, he can do more stunt scenes. Then we both will return to America. But I don’t know what Police and spies will do with us after we go back there.
Peter: Thanks Spider. Your idea is great. But till then where shall we live? I also work in Shah office. But, now my identity is revealed by media so my job is gone.
Subhash: Don’t worry. I will make arrangements for your living. We will tell the Indian media that….
Suddenly hospital; room door was broken by Daya and Shah rukh came there with him.
Shah Rukh: Thank you d d d d daya…for breaking the door. I know and listened everything you just discussed now. Police will soon come to arrest you. Ha ha ha… k k k k k kirran! You c c c c can not create competition for us. We will get you arrested.
Spider: Oh is it? Then now it’s time to bite Peter. Again.
The spider started moving forward to bite Peter but Suniel Shetty suddenly came there in between Spider and Peter. Accidently Spider bit Suniel’s leg. Sunny Deol also came inside breaking glass window to catch Shah rukh because he was after Juhi Chawla but accidently Spider bit Sunny Deol also.
Suniel: Hey Peter. You lied to me. You said Steven Spielberg will give me a role in his movie “Denominator” but he said he will give me a role in “carburetor”? What nonsense!! He is giving me carburetor’s role. A man gets transformed in to a carburetor. What a pathetic concept!! You did Hera Pheri with me. I am Balwan. I will beat you.
Peter: Suniel, please listen to me. I called Steven and told him…
Sunny Deol was running after Shah rukh.…”Hey Ruk. Shah Rukh, ruk!!”
In all this mess, the Spider started moving forward again to bite Peter. And suddenly Govinda and a lady journalist came there and accidently he bit Govinda. And the spider stared laughing incessantly and started dancing: What is mobile number, karu kya dial number?
Govinda: Hey Spidey! Am I so much hilarious that after biting me, you have got so jollified?
Peter: Oh no! Hey spidey! Please bite me… quick!
But, the spider stopped coming towards Peter and continued dancing and laughing.
The journalist Miss questionnaire came there.
Miss questionnaire: “Hi Peter. I want to ask you few questions.
“Where is Mary Jane?”
“How are you feeling now?”
“On your honeymoon night, instead of you removing Mary Jane’s ghunghat, she must have removed your mask as ghunghat, right naa?”
Nana Patekar came there with a pencil and scolded the journalist…
Nana: Hey Kalam wali bai!..Achcha hai. You completed your journey from “kalam wali bai” from Krantiveer era to the “camera wali bai” of today.. Achcha hai. But your attitude has not changed. You are the same. Shame shame! Achcha hai…
Peter was confused and started waiting for Spider to stop his dance and laugh.
Seeing all this on TV, people started gathering into the hospital.Peter would definitely start feeling well once spider bites him but somehow it was not happening. Spider could not stop laughing. All of Govinda has entered in him. But still to avoid any delay in biting Peter, Spider jumped in air and leaped towards Peter… And started biting peter at many places on body. Suddenly there came Sampatrao Sampate – the selfie welfare minister who was a very corrupt politician.
Sampatrao: I have arrest warrant for Peter sent through Fax by American Police.
Sampatrao started detaching the spider from Peter. Not liking this, spider bit him and died instantly. Spiderman cried a lot.
Sampatrao: See! Don’t mess with a politician. Or you will have to die. And never think of ‘biting’ a politician like me or you will have to die.
Meanwhile Sunny and Suniel started sending webs on each other while Shah rukh fled away from the scene. Govinda was looking very sad because all his laughing and dancing powers were absorbed by the spider. Subhash Ghai started to shoot the scene of web war between Sunny and Suniel on his mobile camera. Nana tried to stop the war.
Miss Questionnaire became overjoyed seeing Spiderman (peter) crying because when people became emotional, the journalists encash their emotions for their TRPs.
Miss Questionnaire: Tell me Peter. How are you feeling now? The source of your superpower is no more in this world. So how do you feel now?
Peter: I feel crying. What would you have done if you were in my place? Laughed?
Miss Questionnaire: I also would have cried a lot. But, now tell me where is Mary Jane?
Peter: Which salt you eat? I am asking this because you are applying salt on my wounds by asking such stupid questions.
Peter: Which wound? How this question can become stupid? Tell us.
Peter: Mary Jane left me and ran away with Green Goblin.
Miss Questionnaire: Green goblin? Waav! How did you feel at that time?
Now it was too much. Newly reborn Spiderman sealed the lips of Miss Questionnaire by sending powerful web to her mouth. He imprisoned her in web.
He quickly took the dead spider with him… An American helicopter was hovering over the head of Spiderman. He sent the web and climbed up. It was sent by the superheroes’ group – Avengers.
Avengers were saying – “We have got all 3 radioactive spiders for you.”