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1. Golu is irritated by ads

 

Once a middle class man "Golu Golmaal" went to watch a movie Khajni on Sunday morning in which a robust hero with six pack abs searches for a villain called Khajni.

On his six pack body, it was written -
"This hero has developed his strong body by going in Dangal gym. Dangal gym, best gym! Revive your body and revive your mind"

On hero's chest was written a cell number of the gym. Suddenly a scrolling message appears on movie screen: "Only use fairtel network for better connectivity!"

Every five minutes the hero would get reminder to do different things. Also he would take photographs every 15 minutes because he was suffering from short term memory loss. Suddenly, appeared a message on screen: "Use only Zanon camera. It helps you to keep your short term memory for longer time!"

After watching the action packed climax he moved out of the cinema hall, where he was offered headache-pills by the watchmen.

He hired a Rickshaw. There were at least 3 speed breakers during every kilometre. Rickshaw was jumping and bumping like a lifeline of heart shown in operation theatre.  Later, the rickshaw driver switched on tape-recorder.

Golu thought now he will get to hear some "melodious" music sung by Dipesh Deshmiya.

But instead it was below:
"Are you tired of travelling on bumpy roads? your bones got cracked? Use Groove ointment. Available with the rickshaw wallah in front of you!"

The rickshaw driver also had a haircut in such a way that the person seated behind could read a message written on his baldness: "To have good healthy hair, use Sauratna oil."

The horns of different vehicles outside were not normal horns. But, advertises  and commercials were coming out of the horns: "Pee... Pee...Peeee...Pee re mere bhai tu Suka Kola pee... Drink it, die healthy!"

There was a traffic jam ahead. Rickshaw stopped.

Suddenly, two hands entered in rickshaw in front of Golu.
The voice behind the hands was saying:
"Saab Saab.......Traffic Jam? Don't worry! Take our Nishan jaam. Spread it on bread and eat! Celebrate traffic jam with Nishan jam"

He shoved away the hands which were of a street ad boy. His mind was jammed due to excessive bombardment of ads.

After the jam was over, the rickshaw went to petrol pump. The petrol boy Mahipal Madhav was asking every male rider to remove their shirt and checking their vests' company to check which company's vests  they are wearing!

He was saying:
"Are you wearing Zoopa Frontline vest? If yes, get in front of the queue or get lost!" 

Petrol pump belonged to Zoopa Frontline industries. Thankfully Golu had worn it on that day. Finally Rickshaw drank petrol and went ahead. Golu was observing different big buildings.

Some were housing societies, where it was written:

"This society is built with Bambooja Cement. Strong cement. People live here are also stronger like the cement. Don't ever mess up with them."

"Desian Paint non-cooperative society. The people living in this society are colourful like the paint. Come let's play holi"

At a traffic signal, Golu saw the actress Keshwarya's picture was pasted in which she was drinking Chepsi.

Golu was observing her carefully as he liked her lips very much. Suddenly, he felt her lips were moving and she started smiling towards Golu from the picture.

Golu, overjoyed, asked her: "Hey, Kaish, how are you? This drink must be too much healthy, hah! That's why your figure is in shape? Isn't it?"

Keshwarya slapped Golu:
"Oh, the people like you! You still believe in such ads? Haven't you seen that the bottle is closed with a cork? I am not drinking it. I never drink it. I held the bottle near the lips in such a way that the cork is not visible. Try to  apply your brain. I just do the acting for the sake of money. I never drink this."

Golu changed the subject and said: "Ok. Leave it. By the way! I am your big fan. I liked your acting in Jeans after which there was a big sale of jeans and everyone started wearing jeans."

She smiled and said: "But, I wear jeans rarely!"

Golu: "Oh? is it? So much of contradiction lies in you ha! Hey do you all actresses bath using the soap Tux? I also use the same!"

Keshwarya: "No! I use another home-made soap by my grandma, not Tux. I only do ads for bucks, I already told you. Only bucks. No Tux. Not only me, everyone does it for bucks!"

Saying this she again went back to her original position with un-opened Chepsi bottle at lips.

Signal green!

He reached his building and took lift to his room....

Voice in the lift was saying: "Dhondu balm... Dhondu balm ... Pain killer Balm. Darling! Stop your headache without being BadnaamDhondu balm"

He opened his room door, went inside and sat on sofa. He took newspaper in hand for the first time since morning. As soon as he opened it, ten ad pamphlets fell down. 

He tried to search news in newspaper, but he couldn't find any. All were only ads. No news!

He switched on the TV. News started. Female newsreader's face occupied whole screen, especially she was showing her lips prominently.

Then, a scrolling appeared on screen : "Noreal lipstick is the best lipstick."

He started eating paneer-mutter and chapati and next ad came:

"Tomex toilet cleaner, keeps your toilet clean! We will show you how it does the cleaning...come with us in the toilet of Mrs. Radhika. Let us take interview of the toilet germs popularly known as Keetanu. Hey Keetanu! How do you feel here? Feel like at home? We are coming here to shoo you away with our Tomex... "

He could not eat meal due to toilet cleaner ad at lunch time. Any ad can appear at any time on any channel. Be prepared for that or change the channel or switch off the TV or sell it on OLX, he thought! But, for time being, he changed the channel quickly...

It was a cartoon channel: Kids Pangama!

An ad was running:
"Children, listen! Never eat unhealthy foods like chapati, green vegetables, parathas. Eat the healthy food like pizza, noodles, chocos, burger, biscuits, cakes. Don't drink water, it contains germs. Instead drink Chepsi, Kola, Frite, BumsUp"

Then another ad came of condoms and Wayfree Insecure. Then a program started: Khota Bheem.

Golu surprised by such ads on kids' TV channels. When he was thinking of some forum where he could complain about this, suddenly he saw below message scrolling at the bottom:

"If you have complaint regarding this channel, keep it to yourself. Because even if you complaint, there are thousand ways known to this channel with which it can escape from consumer court. Better keep off making complaints! Its better for your health....(smileys)"

Another channel was showing a historical show. A person was beating animals with stick with a message scrolling: "No animal is harmed for this program. No special effects used."

Another channel was showing movie in which a villain was smoking and drinking with a message scrolling: "Don't drink and smoke. Its injurious to health. It can cause cancer. But if you are already addicted to it, contact cancer cure centre. Phone: 11223344"

Suddenly a hero came there and threatened the villain. 
Hero said, "See. I am a very simple man. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I will win over you."

But villain shoots hero with pistol. A message appeared: " Use of pistol is illegal. Shooting anyone with pistol is also illegal. You could land in jail or probably be hanged till you die."

One channel called Khooni TV was dedicated to CID investigations. "Kuchh to Gadbad hai daya. Todd do darwaza (Something is wrong Daya! Break the door)"

Golu thought, "One day definitely, all doors in the world will be broken."
 

(You can't) Escape!

Nimish Navneet Sonar
Chapters
1. Golu is irritated by ads
2. Golu runs away